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The dolls of when we were children. Song

It surprises me
that the living of the drama
makes us cover the head with the hands:
maybe it is to acelerate the assimilation
of the unconcievable;
or to put into operation
an atrophied organ,
that now must get inside
what came to knock
to the door of the eyes.

If I find myself in a difficult moment
I sit and lower my head down to my knees.
Then my consciuosness falls from all that I am,
with its own weight.
My head crowns no more,
but renunces to its arrogance.
Listening to the body and its simple truths
I find important.

I call myself I.
The rest call me by a name.
I always call myself I though I already have become another.
The rest always call me with the same name.
I want to get to decide that I
which I am.
But it is not easy to foresee
the consequences of the interventions
I make in me.
The I which I´m turning out to be tries to endure,
playing to hide from itself.
I don´t want to kid myself
and at the same time I must want
becuase I kid myself a lot,
sometimes in order to feel better
and others not to feel me at all.
My relation with myself is hard:
I don´t want my I to stress or depress,
I want to motivate it and be critic,
admit its merits and reproach its mistakes.
Who knows,
perhaps my best I already happened and I ruined it.

You never learn completely in the relations with the I.
My I, when I trie to make it more I,
plays me dirty tricks.
For example:
I want to be a thinking and active I,
and I desire to spend enough time to think and to activate me,
therefore I need a way of life
that gives me time.

So I work little for money
to be able to work much for my I.
I am sure that a more reflexive I
can be more useful to others I
than a rich I.
All these converts me in an I
which is socially considered strange.
It is then when my I and its project
fall into contradiction:
I want to be a reflexive I, but not a strange one,
because a strange I is a suspicious I
and this means
that its relations with other I becomes crippled.
Then, what do I want a more reflexive I for?

Maybe I kid myself thinking
that if I work my I it is going to be better for everybody,
and finally results it is worst.
And over all, I work my I in relation with others I
and if I can´t relate,
how am I going to achieve a worked I?

Another example:
My I doesn´t want to work more hours for money,
but my I wants to be able to have a child one day;
and my I can´t against the circunstances around it,
it cannnot transform them as it pleases.
So, which I do I prefer being?
I want to be an I with both things
either want not to be strange.
Well, maybe to have children is not that important.
Maybe being strange is great.
Maybe other I can find something in mine
that easies their relations with theirs.
But probably not.

I don´t care
I don´t want to be an I which I completely dislike,
that then I´m not able to sleep,
or even worst, that I don´t want to awake, these I already know well.

Everything is very confused.
How do I know that each decision that I go taking
gets me nearer to the I I search to be?

There is no one as dangerous for me than me myself,
nobody than can hurt me so much
or than can persuade me of living so bad.

The less I like me
the less time I give me to feel me.